HIT THE HAY

and call it Chanel

I was caught in nasty traffic heading to my Dad’s on Monday. When i finally made it round the last turn and up the drive, i noticed several stacks of hay that must have just been baled. Little did i know that the next morning Matthieu Blazy would send something down the runway that was seemingly sent down from the heavens specifically FOR ME. As luck would have it, i now had the key ingredient for this particular couture look at home.

I studied the other elements for a few seconds and decided that the execution would be pretty simple. A pair of jeans could be dressed up with toothpaste to mimic the bouclé, and i assumed my dad would have a red plaid shirt lying around.

I grabbed my toothpaste to test whether it would work and realised in horror that it was BLUE. I then ran to my father’s room to check his toothpaste- ALSO BLUE. Are all toothpastes now blue?! I panicked and tried shaving cream but it just sort of melted into the fabric. I rummaged around the back of the shelves and managed to find some specialty toothpaste tucked away gathering dust. I let out a sigh of relief when i opened the lid to reveal a white paste. A relic from simpler times.

Do you think anyone else has ever pimped their jeans with toothpaste?

After thoroughly checking my dad’s closet, i realised that ALAS, i did not have a tartan readymade shirt lying around. But i am first and foremost an artist, duh, so i decided to trim some red fabric from the piece i use as a red carpet during awards season and just paint it.

The shirt came out so well that i want to make it more of a permanent piece in my wardrobe. Hand painted plaid is much more glamorous than the store bought variety.

I then set off across the field like a modern day Brontë heroine, to gather the key material: handfuls of hay.

Now that i had gathered all my ingredients, i was ready to put together the look. Bear in mind we are in the midst of yet another heatwave in the UK, so it was tremendously sweaty work.

charming yet infested with spiders

The front row at couture in Paris might be sweaty, but the makeshift atelier i’ve set up is a hotbox filled with real creepy crawlies. Nevertheless i persisted! You can’t tell how sweaty i actually was in the final result:

This particular look took 46 minutes and 41 seconds to come together because heat is the enemy of adhesion. I nearly gave up a few times, but i’m very glad i persevered because don’t i look DIVINE?

I am channeling, or rather, chaneling a scarecrow who had to abandon their post in the middle of a heatwave, leaving the crops to fend for themselves. Dreaming of being on the runway in Paris instead.